Not knowing what to expect since I had been informed my clothing choice wasn’t necessary, since I wouldn’t be riding the horse anyhow, I excitedly entered the barn. “What? No horse riding?” When we arrived, the horses were still in their stalls, so I sat down on the feed bin beside Tony, who whinnied softly. I awaited instructions. None came. Trying to relax, I let him know I meant him no harm. Soon he was nuzzling on my hair and then unexpectedly his head was resting on my shoulder. Comfort, acceptance, caring. I felt it all. Diane nodded. “Let him just be with you,” she informed. Cancer? What Cancer?
Recently diagnosed with CMML, a rare form of leukemia, I wanted to hear/see what the horse reflected about my journey. Diane was there to interpret. Once the second horse was led into the round pen, he immediately noticed the green grass just outside the pen, reaching, stretching to feast on it. I pulled some up sympathizing with him. “I’m a caretaker,” I said. “I know this.” Diane nodded as I commented. The day was breezy and chilly, often causing horses to romp. He did, galloping around the arena. Lying down and rolling around in the mud, he covered himself.
“He’s telling you, you need to take care of yourself”, something I have difficulty doing, always looking to care for others. This repeated three times. Later he revealed that I was willing to be stepped on, not sticking up for me: Soul work I was already told to work on.
So although I didn’t ride the horse, I was given verification of the work I needed to do to help heal myself. The horse constantly reflected what I was feeling. At the end, he nuzzled me again as I petted his nose, grateful for the time together. Now I knew I had work to do, so I left to get busy.